Note: I'm writing from the scar, not the wound. Nothing here holds any pain. If you're a match to it, that's your body talking. Listen to it!
I'd been picked on the whole time I was at that school, but it got so much worse than I expected.
I was 12, 6th grade. I had two pairs of jeans and more than two shirts, but only 2 I would wear, so I alternated them.
No one notices you're wearing a limited wardrobe faster than 6th-grade girls.
They were all I had, but I never said it out loud.
No one notices faster that you're not washing your hair as often as expected than 6th-grade girls.
I lived in a trailer with no electricity or running water. Metal tins of water were filled in town and brought home. They had to last, so washing thick curly hair was a low priority.
I had one friend who turned on me after I blurted out I was sick of her talking shit about another girl in class. After that, I was alone.
I had a science teacher call me dirty and tell me to take a bath in front of the class. All because I'd dropped my comb. He'd found it, held it up, asked who it belonged to, and unfortunately, I said it was mine.
After that, the teasing became relentless. I was mostly numb, and shame was as ever-present as my heartbeat.
I agreed with everything they said. I formed stories here that took me years to rewrite.
In my mind, I was aware that it was literally true. I didn't fight back or speak up. I endured and read several books a week as an escape. I binged on sugar whenever my grandfather would bring food, which included loads of Hostess chocolate cupcakes and pink sno-balls.
Then, one day, as I was sitting on the asphalt of the school playground, back against a chain link fence, picking at the green pants that I had previously loved and now come to hate, a girl came by and plopped down by me. I was completely startled, and I suspect I just stared at her.
Snow white straight hair, even her eyebrows, and lashes were white blonde. She wore a too-big black leather jacket with silver buckles, a T-shirt, and jeans.
She just started talking to me like nothing was weird. She asked me questions and rattled on about things I don't even remember now.
She sat by me on the school bus, and her presence was a life raft.
She saw me not as disgusting Poverty Girl but as just a girl who should be talked to and have someone to sit by on the bus.
Not long after that, we moved - again, but I never forgot her and never will.
She doesn't know what her choice to be a friend for a few weeks did for me. Her choice and courage to act in defiance of the group saved me...
Excerpted from my other book in progress (due out in 2025)
Po' Cracker: Permanently Breaking the Cycle of Multi-generational Poverty [working title]
👉 So, what you need to know now, if you're connected to me on Facebook, is that I'll be hammering on promoting Train Your Body to Wealth: Befriending the Body to Manifest Money in 2024, even more than I have in 2023.
Because I know the literal meaning of dirt poor, I know the shame, the struggle, and what it does to our capacity for abundance for the rest of our lives when we don't address issues at the nervous system level.
If I can help even one person transform poverty into prosperity, all the past pain will have meaning and value.
And I know I can help because the Train Your Body to Wealth program works when you show up and follow the method as it's set up.
Those who couldn't keep $25 in their account now can hold $100.
Those who never looked at their finances now do.
Those who were losing sleep over fear of losing all their money sleep soundly.
Those who made a lack of money mean something awful about themselves are shame-free.
Those who couldn’t see abundance everywhere now celebrate daily, leveraging their Reticular Activating System to show them even more evidence of wealth.
They can do these things because -
When you prepare for and face the discomfort of learning to receive the money that's all around you - it unwinds.
When you commit to using simple tools rather than allow yourself to sit in Your Familiar Bad Feeling Place - it dissolves.
When you step into a temporary alter ego and call your power back from all times, spaces, and dimensions - money shows up because it can. Because the body learns to tolerate the fast-flowing energy of wealth rather than flinch away and refuse its entry.
And it can shift in as little as 40 days. Also, you don’t need to enroll in my or any course to get started! Keep reading, and I’ll link a video at the bottom.
We're wrapping up a 40-day cycle this week, and we'll start a new round in mid to late January.
Enrollment is open now, and you can jump in on some pieces or wait until I hold another live kick-off. Think it over and DM me if you want the sales page.
Whatever happened to Poverty Girl?
In 2016, I did some deep work and found her buried in my unconsciousness. I had so fully rejected her that she'd disappeared.
But nothing we bury disappears.
The parts of us we think we've unalived have an uncanny ability to wait for us to wake up and deal with them, even if it takes decades.
We cried a lot, she and I. I sure as hell didn't want to listen to her or feel the same she carried, but with some time, we worked things out. We sifted the ashes of our memories and found the jewels born from burdens together.
Now, she shares her wisdom in Train Your Body to Wealth. She influences how I show people the path of compassionate curiosity and the value of sheer stubbornness in achieving abundance by Befriending the Body.
She's healed, integrated, and calling forth dragon energies; I wouldn't trade her for the world.
This is what the process of breaking inherited patterns looks like. Becoming aware of stories, emotions, and experiences and staying present as they trigger intense bodily sensations like roiling shame in your belly, choking sensations in your throat, or a strong desire to get up and do dishes rather than feel the hot feels.
It's not easy to be doused in poison at the DNA level and alchemize it to benefit yourself and others, but it's worth it. This is turning poison into medicine.
It takes time. You might need a good trauma therapist for a while. It's possible it could take years for your nervous system to respond to internal and external cues more adaptively, but it can grow, and it will if you stick with the process.
This is the YouTube playlist I use and that all my clients receive. Here is a video about the course, but also I talk about why you don’t need to work with me to create change - you can do this on your own. Have a look and start your journey to real abundance immediately.
XO,
LMW