The following is a transcript from Ep. 142 of my podcast, Sovereign Storytellers. You can find the audio on all podcast players.
Hey there, honey bunnies. Welcome to episode 142 of your Sovereign Storytellers podcast with your post Michelle Wolff. It's been a minute.
I've been busy doing other stuff. I have a Substack account now, where I am posting a lot, some old stuff, some new stuff, and, parts of a book. What I'm gonna talk to you about now will be part of that book. And it's called Saturn in the Second House.
The subtitle is still flipping around a little bit, but, it's sort of coming to terms with multi-generational poverty, resolving multi-generational poverty. I don't know what it's gonna be. It's not gonna be overcoming, and that's part of what I wanna talk to you about tonight.
So I'm running a course called Train Your Body to Wealth. It's a heart-centered path to more money for people who've tried everything, everything else.
And you can still enroll for that. But this isn't a, this isn't like a sales pitch, but if you want to know that, just ping me on Facebook or Instagram and I'll get you the link to it. The last day to enroll is August 8th. Okay?
So this concept of overcoming is another area where we are encouraged to just claw over, climb over any parts of ourselves that aren't down with what we're doing, right? But what we know from shadow work, if you've done any, is that what we resist persists. What we keep trying to ignore gets bigger. The parts that we don't wanna deal with show up in other people. Like there is no escape from this.
There is no way for you to bypass the discomfort of change.
There is no way for you to achieve something as big as becoming a prosperous person when you've been a person of poverty, by cutting off parts of yourself, just excising parts of yourself, which you can't do.
What you do is you drive a big wedge of unconsciousness into your daily experience and then wonder why we have nightmares. <laugh>, right?
You can't get away from yourself.
You cannot ignore parts of yourself. And it pains me that we are constantly encouraged to do so. And when we fail, which we will because we can't do it, then we're blamed for doing it wrong. Oh, you didn't cut off your left arm good enough. Look at you bleeding all over the floor. Come on <laugh>, I'm a little fired up.
The further I dig into astrology, the more interesting it gets. I have what's called a day chart, but a lot of my soul purpose is bringing the nighttime things to the light, the things we don't like to talk about, the things we don't wanna face, death, destruction, the whiny parts of us, the parts that love to play at pity party land, the parts of us that like to play the victim, all the yucky bits.
It's part of my job to dig into that and flip it over to the daylight because daylight dissipates shame. All of these things are twisted up and cloaked in shame. And the only way to heal that is to shine the light on it. The light of acceptance, the light of awareness, the light of acknowledgement and validation that there are parts of you that are perfectly happy to stay poor, to stay in the chaos and the last minute, holy, how are we gonna pay their health rent? Oh my God, the car broke. What are we gonna do?
Now, there's a lot of adrenaline in that. There's a lot of dopamine in that. And then when boom, you somehow pull a rabbit out of the hat, there's a big old whack of dopamine. We love that.
Our brain loves the dopamine hit that comes from solving a problem.
The bigger the problem, the bigger the hit, the bigger the enjoyment. But we have to acknowledge that we may be inadvertently setting ourselves up for these explosions that then we have to solve that then we get to, our brain gets to feel fantastic about, oh my God, your brain loves that.
When we try to not love that, we just keep ending back up in there. I mean, this is multi-layered, right? I'm super generalizing right now, but I got mad at how hurtful it is and it's nobody's fault, right?
We don't think about these things and we are discouraged from thinking about them. We're encouraged to not think about death, to not think that there's parts of us that are gonna have to die if we're gonna be something different. We can't keep identifying with the label white trash or country folk or poor but happy, or all the other garbagey things that we identify with and take on.
There's a poverty pride energy that's proud to be poor. Not one of those rich. Ew, not one of those wealthy people, you know? So there's a part of us that is proud to be poor, proud to not have money, cuz we don't wanna be that.
If you're <laugh>, if your template for rich people is that they're all horrible and they're all buying yachts while starving actors and writers, which honestly I was shocked at how little writers and actors actually make you know, that aren't the headliners. I was also shocked and appalled at the amount that studio executives make and streaming service executives make like 72:1 of the salary. It's nuts. One of them's like $250 million, right?
There's nothing wrong with him making $250 million. There's what he makes. He doesn't seem to have a problem with it. We can have an issue with it because it's not fair, right? We start to think about that. It's not fair, it's not sustainable. You end up with all your people striking and then all of a sudden the thing that generates the money that keeps everybody in business starts to falter because the people who need to make the movies aren't making the movies. And the people who need to write the scripts aren't writing the scripts. But we don't have to be mad at him for being wealthy.
He has managed to slip himself into a system that works for him. It doesn't work for everyone though. But that's not a moral issue. That doesn't make him a bad person. The fact is that the model is unsustainable. It doesn't work, period. It's not a worthiness or good person, bad person, him being a scrooge, him being a rich bitch or whatever. It's an unsustainable business model.
But we wanna make it a moral issue, right? We wanna be like, what an asshole. How can he sleep at night? Well, he sleeps well at night, probably on some pretty high thread count sheets, okay? It doesn't bother him. If it bothered him, he wouldn't, he would do something about it <laugh>, right?
Anyway, I got on off on a tangent, but my point was, is somebody said something to me today, someone who signed up for the course and it just hurt my heart. Like I literally felt my heart clench up because she was asking basically, how do I not bring this part of me into this group? How do I leave this part behind, this energy? How do I leave this energy behind? I don't wanna bring this energy into the group. That let me know she's been trained to think that it's that energy. It's that part of her that's keeping her poor. And that's not true at all. The not wanting that part of her could be keeping her poor.
The not wanting to feel certain things, be aware of certain energies, act in certain ways, uh, have had a history of certain things. The trying to push that away as we've been taught to do keeps us stuck and makes it worse over time. And it's hurtful those parts of ourselves that we try to banish and we stuff 'em into closets.
It hurts, it hurts them, which hurts us.
And we have more to push out of our awareness. We push against it even more. We create a divide so wide, a chasm, parts of ourselves that want the thing, parts of ourselves that don't want the thing, and the chasm between the two just gets wider and wider. And the goal, the potential, the possibility for change becomes more and more impossible.
There's a concept called unified will. Our will, the parts of us that want it, the parts of us that don't want it, we have to get them unified. And then manifestation becomes just a snap of your fingers. Want it? It's there before you even know you want it. We don't function in a unified will on big stuff, right? If we did, it wouldn't be a big problem, right? <laugh>, we wouldn't have to keep going over it if we were in a unified will state.
The divided states of America is a very horrible but accurate idea. Sorry, I'm walking around y'all. I know I'm probably making too much noise. Can you hear the cicadas?
Oh my god, it's so summer in the south, the air you can wear. So gross. All right, I just gotta get my Amazon package off the porch. You know the important stuff while you're podcasting, while you're making a podcast episode, go bring in the cat food and keep the cats from getting outside while you do it. Okay?
Unified will. There aren't very many programs that address this. A divided will, we'll say unified will and divided will - parts of you that want it, parts of you that don't want it. Chasm doesn't exist in between the things that come to you as fast as you can think about them. You have a unified will. There aren't any parts of you being shoved into closets and having their hearts broken. There aren't any hidden pockets of pain when you think, oh, you know what, I'd love to have a___and then boom, it's right there <laugh>.
Someone's like, Hey, you know, I'm just about to throw this thing out. And you're like, I was just thinking about that. Yes, I will take it. Thank you.
Unified will - stuff you've been wanting for a long time and trying so hard and being such a good student doing everything lets you know parts of you object.
The programs say follow every step of the book and you do but you can't make it work. And it makes you think, well, I have to cut off more of myself. I have to leave this energy behind. I have to leave this part of me behind. I have to leave my history behind and it makes it all worse.
The very problem you're trying to solve, you just made worse and you didn't know it. That's what makes me mad. 10 steps to $10 million. Get 30 clients in seven days that if you have unified will, you aren't worrying about that because you've already got it.
And if you have divided will, pushing yourself to follow these steps to get 30 clients in seven days is just gonna create a more divided will. Do you see why this makes me wanna scream and holler? I got so sad today about this idea.
See, this is part of my thing. It's in my human design, it's in my astrology chart; as people are talking and I hear like a second conversation underneath the main conversation. So it's sort of like when you're at a party and someone's talking to you, but you also hear like another friend of yours talking, having a different conversation in the corner. Like you're aware of both. A lot of times when someone's talking, I hear a second conversation. The one from their body and from those disenfranchised, excised, exiled parts of themselves that are telling a different story. I've gotta leave this energy behind. I don't want to bring this into the group. So precious, right? I don't wanna bring this stuff that I've been taught is bad into the group. I don't wanna, I don't want it. And what I hear is crying, please don't leave me behind. You can't even leave me behind. Please see me, please hear me. Please wake up to my presence and embrace me, instead of pushing me away and trying to leave me behind, trying to abandon me.
There's many, many reasons why it's difficult to change, but one of the biggest reasons why is divided will created by not wanting to look at these things. Not wanting to be aware of the, it is frustrating when you like can barely pay the rent all the time and you've got a part of you that's like, manifesting, the I don't want your money. I don't want any money. I want to be so poor I have to go live under a bridge
That doesn't feel good to think about. When you've been told and taught through law of attraction quacks who didn't really understand it, that if you think about, if you talk to the part of you that would rather be a bag lady, you're gonna ruin everything. If you wake up in a bad mood, well now you're, you gotta start all over again. You ruined it by having a bad day. You ruined it by having a conversation with the part of you who answers when you say, I want more money. And that part's like, no, uh, no, I don't want more money and I win because you're not conscious of me. So I get to do whatever I want. I pull the levers, I hit the gas or the brake because you don't see me. I'm in the darkness. You shove me in a closet, but I have all the power. That part is always gonna win.
Those parts that don't want it win, they keep you in the not having it because you've got to wake up and be aware of all of it and have the courage to feel it.
You often need support to do that, which is why I prefer running groups so everybody can support each other.
One of the most powerful experiences I had in a group was, um, we were doing internal shadow work and I found a 14 year old, uh, character, part of me actively pushing against money. Her name's poverty girl, she's 14 and she's the one that experienced the most rejection because of not having enough clothes and not having water, not having running water in the home. So not able to shower every day. She took a lot for that and she carried all those wounds and she did not want to have money. She didn't think she deserved it. She bought this attitude of being dirty. Cause there was sexual abuse in that as well. She just didn't deserve it, you know, so her label she gave herself was, I'm poverty girl, I don't want money. And I didn't even know she was there. I knew the shame was there because certain things might trigger a memory of being picked on or shamed. And, then I would remember those times, so it's not like I wasn't remembering them, but I wasn't acknowledging that they were frozen in time. That girl who experienced that at the worst peak of it was frozen in time.
I didn't wanna feel her feelings. I didn't wanna feel all the feelings attached to the memories.
Like I had the memories that I could access them and feel some shame about it. But I shut that down real quick.
I had to kind of meet her and say to her…have you tried to fight with a toddler or a teenager? How many times have you won? Because if you've won the argument, <laugh>, I want to hear from you, <laugh>, toddlers and teens. Forget about it. You're not gonna win. You may think you win, but you'll find out real quick that you didn't win that argument. You didn't win that battle. <laugh>, right?
So I had to allow her her position. I didn't want to, I wanted to shove that stuff away because I had been taught that I had to not think about that, to push all that away, not let myself act as if there's, there's variations and nuances of act as if part of them are beneficial and part of them are terribly destructive. We do go over that in the course. It's like, yeah, you're acting as if, but not in the way that leaves you split into parts, shattered, shattered into parts of yourselves that you don't even know are there.
That shattering is what has you stuck.
You are following the program as it's laid out. Any money book on the planet will work if you apply these other things. If you recognize that you can't ignore, if you've got a poverty girl, you can't ignore her. She needs you to witness all her memories and the attached feelings that are with those memories. I could access the memories and sort of feel it, but when I really felt it, I really thought I was gonna die. Like it was awful. The stuff she was holding was thick and hot and horrible and shamey and ugh, unbearable. But I had to stick through that with her.
I had to say, you know what, okay, I get it. You have a lot of reasons for not wanting money because kids who had money really made your life hell. They really did. And the teacher shamed her in front of everyone. It was horrible. And I can say that to you now without pain or twinge or shame about it.
But you have to start with that part to say, I see you, I see you, I get it. Why you feel that way makes sense to me. And you know what? I'm gonna stop hammering on you to change. I, I'm, I am surrendering that you have every right to be here in the constellation of all the parts of me, all the stars in this sky that make us us.
Every part of you has a right to be there in the space.
So when I said to her, you have every right to be here. You belong here with me. I see you. I'm aware of you. I'm not gonna ask you to change anymore. If you don't want money and you wanna live under a bridge, then I would prefer not to <laugh>. I don't know what we're gonna do with these cats, but if that's what you really want, I hear that you really want that. I don't want it. I'd like us to find a third way. I'd like us to find a compromise. I'd like us to negotiate, but I didn't even negotiate until I witnessed all the memories and felt all the emotions and made them okay. I made them okay that she felt like that. It, it had to become okay that she rejected everything about wealth,
Clothes with labels, <laugh>, fancy shampoo, nice shoes, like the whole nine yards. She's rejected all of it cuz she was like, if that's what it means, if you have money, and it means that you do this to people who don't, I don't want any part of that. She just flipped the switch and turned it all off. But when I backed up and stopped trying to shove her in a closet and stopped trying to make her change against her will, which is energetically a little bit rapey, where we're demanding of ourselves that we change when that part doesn't want to change, isn't ready to change, hasn't been heard, validated, supported, loved, listened to, it's pretty violent.
It's a violent act against ourselves. It sets up an internal war.
We can't escape it because it shows up outside, shows up outside of us both in our personal lives and in the the collective. Could we be more divided as a country right now? Is it the consequences of living divided internally for so long, hundreds and hundreds of years since the dawn of agriculture? If you read any works of Perdita Finn agriculture was yhe turning point. I won't go into that now, but I do wonder.
So one very powerful thing you could do. Well, let me wrap this up. I forgot, once I did all that, my money situation started to change. How long did it take me to do that? Two years. Two years. I had pushed her to the side for so long. Not that it didn't get better incrementally over those two years, but I didn't wrap it up with her. She didn't, uh, surrender her position until by God she was heard, validated, loved, witnessed, healed. So it was a pivotal turning point for me, and it took a couple years to be entirely done with it, for me to be able to talk to you about these things without crying or feeling any sort of emotional response. I don't have any emotional reaction to it now. I don't need to. It's not across the chasm. Me and the girl are on the same side. We're unified. Okay?
When you stop trying to force yourself to fit into a mold and only think happy thoughts and never acknowledge the shadow or the bad parts of life, or the parts of you that are just and mean, the parts of you that call other people names while saying that your love, you're all about love, but you are gossiping, you know, pretty hardcore behind the scenes, right?
We have to acknowledge all of that. We have to feel all of that. We have to say, you know what, there's a part of me that loves some gossip and I have to watch that part of me that's a Gemini moon. Geminis love to spill the tea, love to hear about spilling about the tea, right? And sometimes it's just for fun, but believe me, many times it's quite mean and I have to own those parts.
You have to own the parts that think terrible thoughts about the wealthy who would string them all up, haul 'em off and dust off the guillotine and here we go lopping off heads, right?
You have to own the part that's resent, resentful, that you're working hard to make money while Mr. Netflix exec is sitting on a 10 million yacht confused why everyone else is so upset about their paycheck <laugh>, he doesn't get it right. He's completely baffled. I don't, I really don't think he gets it because he, how could he? He doesn't have a frame of reference for suffering like that, okay? So he may be walled off from the parts of him that are like, Hey bub, this model is not sustainable. You're gonna end up with your head underneath a blade that's about to fall and separate you from you and your noggin. Like, you know, there may be parts of him in the other direction, but you can't leave anything behind and trying to hurts you.
It hurts us when we try to chop ourselves up into segments. We're not an orange for crying out loud. We're a whole cohesive ecology entity and we need all of us to function well.
You can get along without your left arm, but it's not easy. You can do it, but it's not easy. You can get along with parts of you that want nothing to do with money, but it's not easy and keeps you in a cycle of chaos. And it's not necessary.
It's necessary to listen. It's necessary to say, who in here is not down with my plan to be a billionaire philanthropist and go around the country funding all kinds of innovative schools and programs. Who, who in here is not down with that? Who in here is not down with having 30 clients in seven days? Who is a no to this idea? Who in here does not want to triple our income? Who is like, I want nothing to do with tripling our income. Thank you very much. I would rather stay poor.
Okay, it sounds ridiculous, but it is at the heart of why you've tried everything and you're still broke.
There's nervous system pieces that go along with this whole picture. It's fairly simple. It's also fairly complex. It's simple how to fix it. Simple doesn't mean easy. The thing is, it's fixable. Even when you've tried everything, it is fixable because you haven't tried everything because you didn't know.
You got trained to go the opposite direction of what really works. You have to feel the sensations coming from the body that has no idea what to do with triple income. Your body has no idea what to do with that.
Different equals dangerous, so it gets shut down real quick if you haven't noticed.
This is what keeps you buying programs you never finish. This is what keeps you buying books that you might read but you don't remember big chunks of it. This is what keeps you running through programs buying Abraham Hicks tapes. Uh, they're not tapes anymore though, right? But they were, when I first started listening to them, they were cassette tapes that I played in the car <laugh>. Oh, I'm kind of old. Um, it's why this stuff hasn't worked. It's why it hasn't worked.
A lot of programs are like we're gonna develop an alter ego and you're gonna be that and you're gonna live it. Joe Dispenza, bless his heart, you're gonna always do these amplified emotions or whatever, but the missing pieces, you do that and all those shadow parts of you, the parts of you on the other side of the chasm, they start making war. They start fighting against you and you then cannot continue the program. You can't. You'll find you won't do it right? You'll get sick or you forget or you just decide it's all stupid and you're not gonna do any of it. That's why, because all those shadow parts are like, mm-hmm we're not doing that. We're not gonna run around here feeling grateful all the time. Are you nuts? We've got 10 years worth of shame that needs to be processed.
So it's not that you create the alter ego and pretend the rest of the stuff doesn't happen or doesn't exist. You create the alter ego for the sole purpose of giving you something to go toward with the understanding that it's gonna expose all the parts of you that you're not aware of. You can't see them, you don't know about them. You're in a divided will and you have to find out about them.
Go pick up one of your old money books and start working the program again. And the minute you get uncomfortable, you'll know you're on track. You don't have to sign up for any of my courses. I tell y'all this stuff all the time for free. It's just easier in a course. You have a community, you have support, you have some place to stay focused. Like, okay, I'm gonna choose to be happy today knowing that the more I choose to be happy, the more parts of me that are not happy are gonna come to my awareness.
The more I'm gonna create a little chaos in my life so I can find the parts of me that actually enjoy it. Then we create a little chaos in our lives, then you deal with that. Then you go back to practicing happy or the elevated emotions, whatever you want to call it, and then it'll bring up some more for you.
You accept it, embrace it, find a way to love it.
You're more and more unified. But if you think you can just barrel through, I know you know that doesn't work. I know you have several undone money courses or money courses you did that didn't work. You're still poor, you're still broke, you're still struggling. You may not even actually be poor, but you feel poor and that's almost worse. <laugh>, it seems extra unfair or that you don't have, you don't really have a money problem, but you feel like you do what a waste that is. You could be enjoying life without any feelings of being poor.
Okay? I've walked all around the house <laugh>, I have, uh, significant doubts about the sound quality of this particular episode. So let's just name it out again.
Start your money course, whatever that is, practice law of attraction, practice distraction, create yourself an alter ego, whatever it is you've tried and didn't work and tell yourself clearly to stick with it. Go to future me.org and write yourself an email that's gonna come to you a couple of weeks after you start your program or your exercise intention, whatever it is that reminds you like, Hey, there's probably some negativity coming up right about now. Or hey there, you're probably finding some pretty clever excuses not to do the exercises. Or Hey, I bet you have completely forgotten there's a YouTube playlist that has like 450, 5 minute tools on it that you could use to feel better right now. If you say I don't want to, oh, there's your work.
Who in here does not want to feel good?
Who in here prefers our Familiar Bad Feeling Place? I'm always asking with compassionate curiosity. That's where the power is. That's where the transformation is. And all the tools that we've ever created will not work when you don't recognize that part of the tools working is exposing these parts of you that are hurting and need your help. Okay, I hope that makes sense.
Um, I'm gonna transcribe this and that'll be on Substack. It'll also be part of the book cuz it's a major piece of why things don't work. They don't work because you're not doing it right. They don't work because you had a crappy teacher. Making money is not hard. Like the instructions for how to have money and what to do with your money are pretty simple. They really haven't changed in a hundred years <laugh>. So it's us. It's us. We're the problem, right? As always.
All right, I love y'all so much. If you want in on the course, let me know. After this round, it will become open enrollment. So if you're hearing this in 2024, also reach out because at that time it'll be a rolling enrollment course. Right now it's cohort style. All right. Till we chat again, think less, feel more, and I'll talk to you later.
XO,
LMW