Fighting what exists at this moment is a lovely way to distract from what needs your full awareness and warm embrace.
Fatigue and weakness are horrific to me. I'm the strong one. I learned early that pushing past the need to rest was demanded, and I complied.
That athleticism, attitude, and a low-carb diet that made me feel better staved off the worst effects of lipidema for years. Forest Reiki® no doubt bought me time.
But then life happened, and a series of unfortunate events over 6 years caused my body to collapse into autoimmune land.
The now reality is I can work or mow the lawn and care for the house. I can't do all those on the same day.
I can watch Churchill, or I can write my book. I can't do both on the same day.
Climbing stairs has my muscles burning within 5 steps. A slip in food choices means I can't fully breathe for a couple of days until the lymphatic drainage protocol works to balance the fluids.
I appreciate the hell out of having techniques that fairly easily manage this state of existence, and I've been so resentful of these requirements.
The overwhelming majority of my astrological planets are in water signs, which I find utterly hilarious.
I say all this to remind us that what is true in any given moment is what is true.
Internally bitching about it, being annoyed all day from my compression garment exoskeleton, dreaming about the days when I could solo backpack and mountain bike, and wishing I'd known things sooner are exercises in cruelty.
They're self-harming, and I haven't taken the time to acknowledge that I've been letting my Border Collie brain chase her tail and chew the armrests off the sofa.
What my body needs is acknowledgment and validation not to become Uncle Rico sitting around thinking about 1984 and how we could've made State. (Google Napoleon Dynamite)
What my mind needs to focus on is budgeting for help, allowing more time for tasks, and creative problem-solving for time management.
What my Soul delights in is the opportunity to have the complete opposite experience of physicality I had the first 50ish years of my life.
This being Human IS a guest house, and sitting at my table having tea is a new body expressing new things and having new experiences.
How completely wonderful is that? How utterly unexpected and delightful!
What needs your attention?
What methods are you using to ignore it?
Under the light of this full Moon, are you willing to awaken?
XO,
LMW