Often Shadow work is approached with fear and anticipation of pain.
Well, to be fair it often is painful, BUT sometimes Shadow work means joyful memories come crawling out of the closet where they were banished due to good-bad concrete thinking.
We can actually feel guilty over feeling love toward, and recalling happy times with, an abuser or anyone who's done us dirty.
Until we can hold the dichotomous truth of a person being the source of truly horrible experiences AND pleasant times we shove it all away.
This distorts our Heart energy as we banish bits of ourselves into the cold loneliness of isolation.
This can create so much confusion when we remember more fully as our culture doesn't provide paths to redemption for very many people. Unless you're running for President, and then I guess it's get out of jail free cards on a silver platter all day every day. #imnotbitterthough
Seriously though, when we've dealt with the worst of the horrible; happy memories naturally return to consciousness. It can feel so complicated!
So, what to do?
How do you reconcile memories that open your heart and make you smile with fear-filled or despairing memories that held you hostage for years?
This holding all the things is part of becoming a spiritual grown-ass adult.
It's difficult and challenging to the part of us that prefers the childlike simplicity of all good or all bad - no gray areas, thank you very much.
But it is extremely rare that a person is all one or the other. It feels very complex to love-hate someone, to both-and the relationship in your brain, but it must be done for optimal flow.
This doesn't mean you ever spend time with them. You don't even have to forgive them! Ever!
It does mean though the natural state of your Heart is allowed to unfurl into its full expression. It means you stop holding back love, because to do so is terribly damaging to YOUR Heart.
You're able to stop the madness of shoving a complex human being into a good box or a bad box which wastes your energy.
You grow up.
You understand the messy magnificence of humanity.
You love full out because you ARE love and stifling it is strangling your life force energy.
This is true compassion that holds crisp, clear boundaries and tells fully honest stories.
🎭 This person did unforgivable things, AND they did wonderfully kind things.
🎭 That person will never be allowed to have access to you again, AND there can be love for them having given you a body to wear in this world or given you children or some delightful experiences.
🎭 Those people should be hated until the end of time for __________AND they should be loved throughout eternity for_________________.
Love is love is love applies to the whole damn world.
Others may judge you for daring to grow up in this daycare culture, and that's OK.
When they ask how you could possibly love the person who did such bad things, don't try to explain or justify. They're not ready yet, and they don't have to be rushed.
Just shrug your shoulders and flow that firehose of love out into a world that so desperately needs it.
Let yourself have the full buffet. Good, bad, and everything in between.
XO,
LMW
Image credit: me & Midjourney