What Changes is Resiliency, Not Life Itself
Today has been a series of deeply disappointing news and events. A financial increase I was convinced was coming and would ease a lot of things for me - isn't.
A tree falling and costing me $875 to clean up was not at all thrilling.
The summer heat is very uncomfortable. Ok, miserable. Heat and lipidema do not mix.
The house sale just keeps dragging on and on and on.
Today sucked. Period. At least 100 times, I had to talk back to the inner voice that likes to tell me terrible tales about my worth, deservedness, competency, value to others, blah blah, blah.
There's a pervasive and destructive myth out there that having a regular meditation practice, creating what we want to create, having a loving family, reasonable health, and more than subsistence-level finances means you never have crap days.
This myth says there comes a day when nothing awful happens. On some mysterious day, you'll cross the finish line and never slip into negative self-talk, comparison-itis, or bitterness, among the many depressing things humans experience in their minds.
This bullshit myth has broken many a sensitive heart, including my own.
The ups and downs of energy never stop going up and down.
The difference is that when you pay attention to your nervous system and all the daily practices supporting spiritual growth and further self-awareness, you bounce back faster from the downs and stop trying to hang on to the ups.
That's it. Life never stops lifeing.
I was aware every time a wave of disappointment rolled through. I listened closely to the voices telling me I must not matter, my work isn't good, I'll never get ahead, etc. I could listen closely and validate their concerns that everything must be my fault and everyone else can do the things, but I can't because of the work I do every single day.
It's critical to hear and validate those voices because doing so stops the snowball effect of disempowered thinking.
Validation eases pain. Arguing back amplifies.
You know, voice, you might be right. It's possible I'll watch everyone move forward and I'll be ignored. My work may suck, and my business will be flat as a pancake forever and ever; amen. Everything you're telling me might be true, voice.
Mind has little to argue with when you don't argue.
Mind is deeply terrified it will never get what it thinks matters. There will never be enough, things will never change, goals will never materialize, etc. When you stay present with pain and validate that fear, when you "hear" it, fear dissolves.
If I try to talk myself out of it or coach myself before validating, I am shoving it away. I am replicating on the inside everything I feel that others are doing to me on the outside.
I am ignoring. I am devaluing. I am invalidating. I am victimizing and shaming. I am doing all those things to myself when I don't validate, no matter how irrational, ALL the things that need attention and comfort. I am my own tormentor.
I prefer the alternative.
Validating thoughts a ton. Feeling the feelings. Having a good cry. Breathing. Staying put and making no decisions at the moment. Repeating and repeating until the storms are still and clear thought returns.
These are the rewards of being devoted to your practices. They are rich, varied, and hard-won.
Let life be life. Let the emotions flow. Hear the thoughts and validate the fears so they can relax into the shapes of peace and solutions-focused ideas.
Tomorrow will be here soon enough, and by allowing the processes to flow today, no matter how painful, the energy for tomorrow's adventures will stay accessible and clear.
XO,
LMW
P. S. Train Your Body to Write is open for enrollment, and I just added some automatic writing practices to the plan (not listed on the sale page).