Deprivation Lives in My Diaphragm and Her Name is NeverEnough.
Where is your Body holding on to the past?
When you work with your money stories and history on a daily basis more and more awareness comes to the surface. Your knee-jerk reactions and conditioned responses that are so automatic shed their invisibility cloaks. One at a time they step forward into your consciousness and stand at the ready for you to witness, feel, and validate the truth of their existence.
Here I am, ma’am. The part who is afraid to spend even when the money is present because she “knows” it will all be gone soon.
Look over here, ma’am. The part who wants to spend as fast as she can because she “knows’ it will all be gone soon and wants to get it over with already.
Ahem, ma’am. The part sitting in a corner, stomach growling, softly chanting: neverenoughneverenoughneverenoughneverenoughneverenough.
May I have your attention, please, ma’am? The part who simply cannot believe that there is no shoe waiting in the wings to be dropped at any moment because surely life being so good is an error? Surely, God’s going to catch on at any moment, and here will fly the chancla to whack us in the face. Right?
In a mediation this evening, I asked to be shown the next part of me who is needing witnessing. I saw a bowl with a spoon and a smidgen of porridge at the bottom. Miss NeverEnough came forward in full frozen reaction.
She stares at the near-empty bowl, paralyzed.
Eat it and suffer loss.
Don’t eat it and suffer loss through spoilage.
Caught between Scylla and Charybdis.
When I offer the idea that she could have a full bowl, eat it, and it could be refilled, everything goes dark. She simply can’t imagine a full bowl. A scenario in which a full bowl can be eaten and immediately refilled without exhausting efforts to refill just the smidgen bit doesn’t exist in her consciousness.
It’s far and away too big a stretch for her to understand the truth that a bowl exists that never runs out. Every bite taken never affects the contents - the bowl is always and forever full. We won’t go there for now.
In her world, there is but a single bite, and once eaten, efforts to get more must commence with great urgency and deep energies of desperation that end in exhaustion and one more bite.
Deprivation lives in my diaphragm, and her name is NeverEnough.
So what to do?
What we tend to do is:
1. Never become conscious of these parts.
2. Become conscious but quickly try to talk them out of how they feel.
The last time someone tried to tell you how you felt or how you should feel rather than validate the truth of your feelings, how’d that go? Are they still in possession of their head? Is one of your shoes retained in a part of their body where the sun don’t shine?
Right, and yet we do it to ourselves all the time. We don’t want to feel the tight cramp where our bodies hold memories. We don’t want to feel ourselves stop breathing from just seeing a memory. We sure as hell don’t want to experience ANY shame-squirm-worms twisting around in our bellies when we think about the past.
And yet deep validation is often all that’s needed. Don’t you feel so much better when someone really just helps you name all the things without trying to change any of them in any way?
With deep validation, the critically important unwinding happens, and the introduction of new ideas can be…well…introduced.
Until you really give these parts holding memories that are driving current behavior, you will not be free of them. You’ll continue to set intentions that go awry. You’ll keep on missing the mark and manifesting distorted shadows of your deepest dreams.
How do you find the parts? How do you bear the burden of your bodily sensations? How can you stay present in the presence of shame, despair, and desperation? How can you ever stand to sit through searing sensations ripping through your nerve endings like you’ve been struck by lighting?
Practice, honey bunnies. It’s that simple. Get quiet; tell your parts that you’ll do your best to listen and feel and validate fully.
And then, when it arrives, breathe, walk in silence, stand up and shake the energy, or let your body move and twist and turn as needed.
Get out of the damn way and validate the TRUTH of the sensation.
You can follow the movement of the sensations, which is sometimes called “tracking the charge” because it will move from place to place. You simply notice and follow along as Body does what it couldn’t do before - process the moments to completion.
Remember. Release. Reframe. Rebuild. And over time: money becomes a friend and the most powerful portal for healing I’ve ever encountered! Try it out and see how it goes for you, and of course, if it feels like too much, get help from a therapist or coach!
XO,
LMW